On Auto

October 17, 2017



So I'm cruising along at 350, enjoying some big puffy cumulous formations and breathing some sweet pistachio synth air, when Boom, the dash starts flashing bright enough to wake you out of a chem dream, the car screams to a mid-air halt and a black-n-blue floats over with a sour-faced cop in the window.







"Sir, may I see your bios and lightband?"


"Uh, sure, officer, what seems to be the trouble?"


"Sir, were you aware that you were altering your cloud course through that last bank?"


"Alter... Officer, I was just admiring the view when..."


"We have a heat impression of both your hands ON the steering stick."


"Well, I was just resting them for a moment, I mean, it's a beautiful day and..."


"Sir, when was the last time you texted during this flight?"


"Tex... I, I was just in touch with my friend about the party on Rexus9, and HE was saying..."


"Your transmit log indicates that conversation was over 5 minutes ago. Any sub-orbital texts you can produce in the ensuing time frame?"


"Well, I was about to send..."


"May I see your record of cute animal viewing for this period, please."


"Oh!  I just finished that one with the kittens running across the meadow with the ducks!"


"Which played on your screen 26 hours ago?"


"Wait, I mean the puppies! The puppies rolling over each other and then falling out of the dresser drawer!"


"Earlier this morning."


"The... the parakeet -- with the Pitbull!"


"Sir, you haven't texted or participated in any form of social media for the past 34 minutes and appear to have been steering your vehicle in a random manner for the past twelve, prior to my pulling you over."


"But I... wait, look! I found these babies eating strained peaches. (laughing) Look at that, they're getting it all over their bibs and faces, isn't that a riot, don'tcha just love watching them carry on, OMG that's so..."


"Sir, please step out of the vehicle and place your hands behind your back."


"But they're... Wait: You want me to step OUT -- we're 150 feet up!"


"On to the jet-plat, sir, let's not make this any more difficult, OK?"


"Officer, I NEVER steer, I was just day-dreaming and, and staring..."


"At nothing. Step out of the vehicle please. Central, this is 34F6, requesting backup..."

































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